The iconic artist extraordinaire Sue Kreitzman has a hashtag: dontwearbeigeitmightkillyou. Well this week has felt like a duvet of beige at Goldie No Limits, a cloud of beige, a veritable fug of beige, sucking everything it touches into a vortex of blandness!

Tis Friday – do you have a drinkies in your hand yet? If not, grab a libation, sit back and indulge my share and tell. This week there have been two stand out attempts at harnessing and neutralising the colourful exuberance that is your Goldie No Limits creator. I believe that confession is good for my/our souls, so hear me out…

I supplement my income by being an Airbnb host – an Airbnb Superhost to be precise. This comes with a special badge that ensures higher ranking in their search listings and certain “privileges”. I love the quirkiness of the company and the guests it sends to my colourful Ealing London Artist’s home and consider it a perfect fit with my life ethos. So far, so perfect. Until now. The movers and shakers at Airbnb have come up with a new level of listing; AirbnbPLUS, to which I was cordially invited to apply as a Superhost. I didn’t expect a three hour inspection trawl of every nook and cranny of my home, but embraced it with a sense of humour, confident that I would tick most of the required boxes and move on up. Some of what came back by way of a list of requirements in order to comply was a shocker. Not the paint retouching and providing more hangers trivia which I had expected, that’s easy to remedy and fair comment to be honest. What rankled was the efforts to re-define my personal decor and style listed below:

  • This decor item (a painting) appears to be too big for the space. Please remove or replace it with something that’s a better fit.
  • Airbnb Plus homes should have cohesive (???WTF???) style. Please replace some of the furniture and decor in this room with pieces that feel more connected to one another and look curated. – (CURATED??????)
  • Airbnb Plus homes have a high bar for design. It looks like this dresser could use an update—please replace it with something more stylish or let us know if it has personal significance to you. (NONE OF YOUR FRICKIN BUSINESS!)
  • Airbnb Plus homes should be thoughtfully styled and ready for guests. Consider making some simple changes to your accent pillow(s) that show attention to detail. Like fluffing them up and carefully arranging them.
  • Please remove the sheet or blanket (FUR THROW ACTUALLY) from the lounge sofa or replace it with a slipcover that won’t slide off.

Seriously – Some faceless person looking at mobile phone photos of my (imho awesome) home, feeling they can dictate personal style and blandify the essence of what makes me – well – me is not on, and not what my guests chose the house for. It all feels positively Holiday Inn corporate and dictator like! I shall post an update of the outcome after re-painting the bathroom, fluffing my cushions, curating my furniture and family, then submitting my response…

…The second doozie is related to Goldie No Limits. We lost out on being the face of a large advertising campaign (though included in their online content) to an online magazine called Country Wives. I now know it’s an award winning online weekly mag that has been going for eight years, and I applaud it’s success, but after reading it’s content it did make me stop, question and have a little wobble about what/who the Goldie No Limits demographic are. Would our readers rather see less of our more ‘out there’ content and irreverent attitude to death, disease and the lavatory (was that Monty Python?)? Less creative and artistic license, more colostomy bag special offers, nifty nail devices and big print? In that moment I felt reduced to an endangered species – the ‘Notdeadyetadopterus’ – soon to become extinct unless I/we manage to reproduce virally as the ovaries of life-creation tend to be shrivelled (as a kindly ultrasound person confirmed to me in a matter of fact way) by this stage in the cycle of life…So yeah existential crisis in my head, not my heart. Would love to have some thoughts and feedback.

Be assured that this fug has now dissipated somewhat and moved on to inhabit another creative, tortured soul elsewhere. Thankfully the reality is our inbox has been filled with some wonderful life affirming comments, ideas and writing alongside the comments on punctuation and grammar. You lovely people who aspire to living a full life on their own NO LIMITS terms are greater in number than the beige brigade would have us believe. I applaud you all, and would encourage you to keep on reaching out with your photos, experiences and opinions on this glorious technicolour life.

SHOUT LOUDER, DANCE, SING, WAVE YOUR (big) PANTS IN THE AIR, KICK YOUR HEELS UP & BANG A DRUM…Thank fuck it’s the weekend! Reach out and shout your thoughts keyboard warriors.

Big Love x


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